USA abolishes the Internet economy

  • 27 September 2010

WASHINGTON. – In a surprise move to speed up the ongoing recession president Obama has abolished all commercial use of the Internet. The change of mind came with a proposal to banish all encrypted data transmissions entering the USA, including online shopping carts and payments. At the same time foreign companies were told to open their data communication completely, enabling US companies to get advance warnings about the business strategies of their competitors. Obama defended the policy by stressing that spying must be openly and freely possible, just what the Founding Fathers had in mind when creating the Land of the Free Agencies.

Any non-compliance will be met with deadly financial force. Any company not having a branch in the US will be forced to open a branch office at gunpoint. Independent observers comment the new regulations as an improved way of getting a global wiretap without having to host the whole Internet, as Saudi-Arabia and India have planned. „You can only flush out the terrorists by reducing vital infrastructure to rubble. The shock and awe bombing strategy has worked brilliantly in the past, so we simply extend it to cryptography”, an official stated in an interview.

We’re eager to see the Internet reduced to the capabilities of the telephone network. This will put an end to anything the bill is trying to stop.

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