Saudi Arabia and India will host the whole Internet

  • 13 August 2010

RIYADH – NEW DELHI. In an unprecented move against terrorism, crime, corruption and immorality the governments of Saudi Arabia and India have demanded to host all Internet servers in their countries. The demands were sent to Internet service providers and private server owner throughout the world (including Iran, North Korea, USA, UK and Syria). Intelligence agencies of both governments declared that one lawful interception of all communication can save mankind. Since it’s illegal to plant wire-taps and record data transmissions outside their jurisdiction the plan of moving all servers to Saudi Arabia and India was designed.

Indian companies have steadily grown in the past. The IT branch of the economy is strong. There’s plenty of room in the data centres, officials ensured. Saudi Arabia has plans to build new power plants based on solar energy and the remainder of the world’s oil reserves. „Once you have world peace peak oil doesn’t scare you anymore”, told the minister of lawful interception to journalists attending a press conference. The huge costs for the migration of all hardware and systems will be covered in part by selling intercepted information to other countries for a nominal fee. A study from the Gartner Group estimates that this step will reduce the budgets of several agencies (whose names are confidential) by 520 billion USD  per year. A spokesperson from the Saudi Ministry of Culture and Information was quoted saying „This is real IT infrastructure consolidation that will save Western companies several billions of money.”.

The bold move is widely appreciated, but some skeptics remain. Their statements are closely monitored and checked against the combined terrorist databases of the Axis of Good. The authorities have already wire-taps in place. Wikileaks declined to comment for fear of being intercepted, but analysts suspect that their servers can only be moved to India or Saudi Arabia if they are found. Internet Search & Destroy teams have already been dispatched.

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