Dictionary

I’m a big fan of Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. The web has seen a lot of modernisations, copies and modifications of the original texts. This is my personal collection of (re)definitions. Enjoy!

  • 3D (film), n.: Enhanced version of films featuring better dialogues (hence 3D meaning triple dialogues).
  • blogs, n. : Background radiation of the Internet.
  • CAPTCHA, n. : Modern invention to destroy the self-esteem of literate people so they feel really stupid.
  • Crypto hipster, n.: Someone who encrypts data and communication, but who doesn’t know why and doesn’t even care. Also uses Web 2.0 heavily.
  • “Don’t be evil” : Synonym for “Don’t pay taxes by evading them”.
  • flat rate, n.: Endless stream of broken promises; typically given by telephone and telecommunication companies.
  • IEB, n.: Improvised Explosive Bank, a new weapon used by governments against the financial crisis. Formerly known as Bad Bank.
  • Kavalleriedelikt, das, n. : keine Kleinigkeit.
  • National Security : Concept that causes terrorism throughout all parts of a country’s society, hence the term national. See also Minority Report.
  • Netneutrality Safeguarding Agency (NSA), abbr.: Institution that intercepts all data packets equally to foster democratic surveillance.
  • power user, n.: Miner of Bitcoins.
  • printer, n.: Domesticated electronic device to turn digital data into analogue data written on paper. Sometimes it works.
  • publisher, n.: Commercial entity that doesn’t understand the use of robots.txt. Has tried to print the Internet and failed.
  • secret, n.: Piece of information that can both preserve and destroy lives, depending on its use.
  • STD, abbr. : Socially Transmitted Disease; digital infections by apps and aberrant behaviour induced by peer pressure in social networks.
  • tablet, n.: Marketing conspiracy renaming the display of laptops to tablet in order to sell the keyboard separately.
  • teraforming, n.: The art of rearranging data on your hard disks to make new room for photographs and videos.
  • “Think different” : New kidnapping scheme where the hostage pays the kidnappers directly to avoid working in an Asian death camp manufacturing cell phones and feels good about it.

Top